We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
