what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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