Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
