Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
