What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
