I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
