New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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