Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
