i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize