Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
