under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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