Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
