By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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