What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
