I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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