Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
