I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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