just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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