Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
