just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
