I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
