Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
