I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
