I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The adults are the big ones right?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
