the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
