he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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