Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
