what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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