jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
