you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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