His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
