If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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