My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
