I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
