You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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