pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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