I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
