I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
