hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
