Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
