New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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