hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
