Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
