So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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