Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize