There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
