Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize