I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Edward fifth and chaser hands
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.