Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.