So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?