why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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