Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
