The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer