textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize