While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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