Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
