I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
