I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
