Someone shit on the floor
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
