Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
