You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
