I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
