I looked at my own cervix.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
