i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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