please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
