your parents love me but you hate me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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