69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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