I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
