i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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