I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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