i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
