What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
how does that bad decision feel?
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