some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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