I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
