Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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