you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
