I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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