the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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