so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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