i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
