Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
